he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
