I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
