God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
