Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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