I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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