God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize