Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
