and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
