i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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