I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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