if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
