dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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