i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
