I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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