I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
