i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
