Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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