roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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