lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
