Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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