What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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