so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
