Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
