I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
