He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
