i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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