A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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