Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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