she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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