party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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