She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Shame - the story of my life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
