We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
