It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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