I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
should my penis look like a turkey
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
