Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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