but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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