You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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