I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
