This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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