I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
