Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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