I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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