so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
