Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
