I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
