I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
