fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
