hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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