You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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