I'd wear matching sweaters with you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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