I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize