if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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