Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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