Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
