i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
