They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
