Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
