his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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