I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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