Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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