Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
