He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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