That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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