The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
