so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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