you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
