I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
