is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
