you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
