I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You were trust falling into bushes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
