i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize