I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize