Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
