O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
