I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm gonna fight the coyote
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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