Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
