Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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