Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fuck appropriateness.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
