is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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