I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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