your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize