He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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