so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
