i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
