Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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