I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
