The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
