the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize