Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
