She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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