it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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