i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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