i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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