hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
