walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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