When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
