Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
