Will you blow on my dice?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
