so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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