mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
