i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
