You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
